Here To Make You Tuck Your Whole Tumblr In

animalstalkinginallcaps:

WHEN’S THE LAST TIME WE WERE INTIMATE? WELL, YOU’D HAVE TO DEFINE ‘INTIMATE’ FOR ME, DOC. I’M NOT SURE I REMEMBER WHAT THAT MEANS.

HE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS, DOCTOR. HE’S TRYING TO BE FUNNY. HE THINKS HE’S VERY CLEVER.

IT’S ACTUALLY A DEFENSE MECHANISM, DOC. I HAD TO DEVELOP IT TO SURVIVE IN THE TUNDRA, WHICH IS WHAT I CALL OUR BEDROOM DUE TO THEIR SIMILAR ENVIRONMENTAL CONDITIONS.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH, DOCTOR? WHO CAN BE INTIMATE IN THE FACE OF SUCH BEHAVIOR?

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE INTIMATE WITH MY FACE, SHERRY. I CAN THINK OF SEVERAL OTHER BODY PARTS YOU COULD START WITH. I’M SURE THE DOCTOR HAS A CHART SOMEWHERE YOU COULD LOOK AT, IF YOU’VE FORGOTTEN WHAT THEY ARE. RIGHT, DOC?

DOCTOR, PLEASE TELL HIM, CLINICALLY, THAT HE IS NOT FUNNY.

SPEAKING OF NOT FUNNY, DOC, HAVE YOU SEEN MY SEX LIFE THESE PAST FEW YEARS?

IT’S LIKE BEING MARRIED TO A CHILD.